Teacher, Educator...Who Am I?

I have felt blessed to be in the teaching profession for these last four years. Teachers are those people that I feel can really have a make-or-break impression on their students. I want to be one of those teachers who helps students realize their learning potential. --This is no easy task...just ask a teacher.

Over the last year, there have been highs and lows for me in the classroom and beyond. I have struggled on days when I did not even have a classroom, running water, a bathroom, no access to lab supplies, no computer access, no internet, etc. There were numerous days when I felt I was really trying to help students and they just did not want to be helped or did not even express an interest in learning.

Although all of these issues can add up and really wear a person out, I would overcome my "pity party" and know that education, teaching, and learning are not about me. What really counts is helping the students. Even on days when students would be verbally disrespectful I would remind myself they were just children.

Of late, I have felt that I have no control over my educational surroundings. I keep asking myself, "What am I doing wrong?" "Am I not seeing the big picture?" "Are my expectations unreal or too high or not high enough? Why do I feel like an alien in amongst other teachers, administrators, and educational leaders? On occasion, I have sadly questioned my decision of going into the educational field and have second-guessed my decision to leave private industry. --I really thought I had something to contribute to our youth.

This year I took on a Globaloria class and tried to integrate it into my chemistry curriculum. I have had good days and bad days; but for the most part, I am still hopeful that I have learned from my mistakes and am looking forward to jumping into the curriculum even harder next year. I do not make excuses, even though this year I spent months without a classroom, continually lacked laboratory access, and even spent days without computer and internet access. Of these issues, I really know that I can overcome and do better once the school is back in order. However, I felt that my sincere efforts were somewhat under attack for some unknown reason. I could not believe that other educators would be against enhancing student learning and not remember what it was like to try a new curriculum for the first time.

I guess this is my "downer" blog day. I do not want to get discouraged and say, "Ok, I give up, I surrender, I will teach like those others do who follow the curriculum blinding, to the letter and NEVER try to take the students to higher levels of learning and accomplishment." --This statement may sound harsh, but this is how I (and have felt for quite some time). I don't think this is what education is meant to be like. I know I am not the greatest teacher out there; but, I feel like I try to work very hard to be a good educational influence on every student who I have in my classroom.--Comments are welcome and requested!